Your Fox News watching grandpa is about to freak the fuck out because of this Desert Sun headline:

Now if you read the actual story, you will find there is really nothing to worry about as the two people involved show no symptoms and are being monitored only as a precautionary measure.

And then there is how you would go about catching Ebola if they somehow had it:

So go ahead and hold off on eating any strange mucus or feces you find out on the street until you hear otherwise.