Perhaps you have heard the news that in the quest
for more money to bring more live music to fans, the promoter of The Coachella Music & Arts Festival (AEG) might be bringing a similar festival to New York. The New York Post’s Hardeep Phull heard the news…and decided to troll us by claiming New York’s festival would be superior.
In his article, Phull offers six reasons why the Festival, dubbed Panorama, would be better than the current amazing festival held in Indio.
Let’s go through them one by one:
No dust storms!
NY Post: Even a slight breeze at Coachella leads to a dust storm, which basically means you get eyes full of grit, mucus becomes granulated and a mild dose of emphysema becomes unavoidable. Even with the car fumes raining down on Flushing Meadow Park from Grand Central Parkway, Coachella New York would be a lot easier on the lungs.
Rebuttal: Okay. You have us on this one. The dust in Indio can be terrible.
SCORE: NY: 1 / Indio: 0
It’s easier to get to
NY POST: Getting onto the festival site at Coachella is an ordeal that involves apocalyptic traffic jams and long hikes across desert landscapes, while having to listen to Valley girls bang on endlessly about their new Transcendental Meditation classes. Flushing Meadow Park is a hike from the subway, sure, but at least you can stop at a deli on the way and listen in on the locals talking about the Mets’ chances of making the playoffs. Which (this season notwithstanding) is usually a much shorter conversation to endure.
Rebuttal: Long hikes through the desert? How the hell are you transporting yourself to Indio? I mean, I know we ain’t as fancy as you New York City folk, but we have recently got ourselves a hold of some cars and Uber and even our own little airport. And yes, you are soooooo right: Indio’s traffic is way worse then New York City’s.
SCORE: NY: 1 / Indio: 1
It’s not as hot …
NY POST: Daytime temperatures in Indio during April sometimes reach higher than 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and trying to watch a band inside one of the tents is like being suffocated with an electric blanket. June in NYC is usually the best time to soak up the sun, before the dog days of summer start kicking in.
Rebuttal: Yes. It gets hot sometimes in April during the festival in Indio. But, you know what does not happen? Rain. Guess what New York gets? Rain!!! And concerts in New York state with a little rain look not at all fun:
SCORE: NY: 1 / Indio: 2
… and it’s not as cold!
NY POST: Nighttime temperatures in Indio during April sometimes get down to the mid-50s, so leaving the site at the end of the day can feel like walking through a blast of winter, all while suffering from sunburn and dehydration. Those warm, humid NYC nights are sounding better all the time, aren’t they?
Rebuttal: OK. NYC can be lovely in June. You get this one
SCORE: NY: 2 / Indio: 3
You’re not miles from civilization
NY POST: Animal Collective not your bag? Then having Coachella New York at Corona Park means that you can skip out for a few hours and see a real animal collective. The Queens Zoo is just a few steps away, and most of the animals there know better than to wear Native American headdresses.
Rebuttal: Skipping for a moment that The Living Desert is just a short drive from Indio, I am sure what everyone wants to do after paying $375 a ticket is to leave the festival for a few hours to spend yet more money on another ticket.
SCORE: NY: 2 / Indio: 3
New York has water
NY POST: According to reports from March 2015, California has roughly a year’s worth of water left in its reservoirs — meaning that by Coachella 2016, the concession stands might only be able to offer bottled sand (for the standard $4 charge, of course). Dear old New York has an omnipresence of reasonably priced bottles of Poland Spring — and if all else fails, there’s always Meadow Lake (situated next to the festival site).
Rebuttal: You had to go all drought on us huh? Well guess what sucka? El Niño is coming – and no, that is not one of the DJs in the Sahara Tent. Who knows, California might get so much rain, next year’s Coachella may have to be held on a cruise ship…oh wait, they tried that.