Hey, parents. Are you excited about taking the kids out for fun this Halloween? Well, you shouldn’t be. You should be afraid. Very, very afraid!!!!
Here’s what the local news around the country is doing to scare the shit out of parents just ahead of Halloween.
First, you should probably just go ahead and shave off your kids’ hair now….
— ABC7 Eyewitness News (@ABC7) October 23, 2017
Oh, and no costumes this year. You know, just to be safe…
Parents warned to stop children using this Halloween costume over safety fears https://t.co/lalsHcK4nM
— Bristol Post (@BristolPost) October 26, 2017
Be sure to shield their eyes…
Beware of your Halloween contact lenses, opticians warn
The warning follows the case of Tia Goode, from … https://t.co/y7dgcqHY97
— Healthy News Daily (@eHealthyDaily) October 18, 2017
And, for the love of God, do not let them accept any candy – because there’s drugs in everything now…
— WPMT FOX43 (@fox43) October 30, 2017
— iNews880 (@iNews880) October 30, 2017
Every kind of drug…
— Merrida Coxwell (@Coxwelllaw) October 18, 2017
In every possible form…
Winnipeg police issue warning of Halloween-themed fentanyl blotters that could be lethal: https://t.co/18ST1PPb92
— Urban Toronto (@urbantoronto) October 30, 2017
Even bath salts!
— WPTV (@WPTV) October 30, 2017
Oh, and even the candy that is actually candy is not safe!
— Channing Frampton (@ChanningWINK) October 30, 2017
In all seriousness though, don’t give out black licorice because black licorice is super gross.
Happy Halloween, parents. Hope your kids can somehow survive.