The news is really trying hard to scare the crap out of parents this Halloween

Hey, parents. Are you excited about taking the kids out for fun this Halloween? Well, you shouldn’t be. You should be afraid. Very, very afraid!!!!

Here’s what the local news around the country is doing to scare the shit out of parents just ahead of Halloween.

First, you should probably just go ahead and shave off your kids’ hair now….

Oh, and no costumes this year. You know, just to be safe…

Be sure to shield their eyes…

And, for the love of God, do not let them accept any candy – because there’s drugs in everything now…

Literally, everything…

Every kind of drug…

In every possible form…

Even bath salts!

Oh, and even the candy that is actually candy is not safe!

In all seriousness though, don’t give out black licorice because black licorice is super gross.

Happy Halloween, parents. Hope your kids can somehow survive.


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