Ever since I turned eight, my family celebrated my birthday not actually on my actual birthday, but at a time when it was convenient for everyone to get together for a meal and to give me disappointing gifts. As weekends are always easier for my family’s schedule, I have always been fine celebrating the big day on a Saturday or whatever. I find that most people have the same kind of arrangement when it comes to people celebrating their birthday and other special occasions too. But, not America. Oh no. It’s 4th of July and only the 4th of July – even when it lands on a Wednesday and screws everything up.
Seriously though. This week is already so weird and I am so full of questions, including:
- Is everyone off all week except me? So far it feels this way.
- When is traffic supposed to be really bad? Last Friday? Tuesday? Thursday? Every day?
- Is everyone who is working blowing off work at noon the way so many do before a three-day weekend?
- Is everyone then coming in late on Thursday (you know, because hangovers)?
- Will there be hot dogs buns left in the store if I wait until Wednesday morning to buy them?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to eat whatever the hell is inside of a hot dog, watch explosions set to Neil Diamond songs, and fill me mouth full of beer on Wednesday – the way Uncle Sam demands I do, it’s just that I’m now very confused about how everything else is working this week.
Of course, this would be much easier for everyone if they would just make the first Friday in July Independence Day – making it a rad weekend to celebrate America and, as the television tells me, buy cars and mattresses.
What do you think? Let’s discuss in the comments.