I think I have a solution to this Coachella Valley Costco situation

It’s that time of the year again, when going to the Costco in the Coachella Valley on a weekend is crazy, dangerous, and just plain brutal. But, what if there was a way to fix it?

First off, if you are unfamiliar with the Palm Springs area Costco scene, it works like this: from about May to November, things are alright at the Costco – sometimes a little crowded, but not crazy – then in November, shit just fucking gets nuts.

This is basically what it’s like on a Sunday:

And, unlike most parts of America, it’s not just an increase in people at the Costco because of Christmas and Holiday shopping, in the Coachella Valley it’s also the flood of elderly Canadians going to the Palm Desert and LA Quinta Costcos in order to stock up on their vodka, fiber pills, vodka, gigantic cuts of salmon, and more vodka as they return to their gated communities for “The Season” – which, hey, good for them, enjoy your martinis, free time, and gross pink fish.

Now, it’s not always bad at the Costco this time of year. Weekdays (especially early) are not nearly as bad as weekends and this brings me to a possible solution and please here me out on this active-lifestyle retired Cactus Hugs readers: perhaps you could grab your million ounce bottles of Kirkland Gin and massive frozen lasagnas on a Wednesday at about 11 am, freeing up the store a bit from the crunch of those who can only do their Costco shopping on the weekends?

Yes, I know what this means, no samples for the snow birds, which is probably a deal killer, and I get it because, on the right day, a bit of free sausage, cheese, candy, and trail mix is just what you are craving (and leave your cart blocking everything in the middle of the freakin’ aisle to go grab!!!) – but, and once again just hear me out, maybe that small joy can be replaced by knowing you have made those who wait your tables, change your tires, and give your prostate exams an easier and more enjoyable weekend.