It’s that time of year again when bloggers, bloggers, and more bloggers come out with blogs, blogs, and more blogs about what you need to wear to Coachella because, well, you can’t just go and have a good time with friends, catch some cool artists, and enjoy a Shake Shack burger. No my friends, brands need to capitalize by giving away free clothes to social media influencers and those influencers need you to buy those clothes using their affiliate links to make some sweet commissions. And, after reading how much money these blogger / influencers are making doing it, I figured I should do one too with what I am wearing to Coachella 2018.
Now I am not a “fashion person” but I am a person who was able to secure some partnerships where I could list things and then if people buy them, I would make huge money. So, here are the things I am actually wearing to Coachella that you can buy and make me filthy rich.
I just picked up some cheap t-shirts yesterday that were on sale for just six bucks at Old Navy that I really won’t hate throwing away if it ends up getting gross because of sweat stains or some drunk accidentally douses me with his $12 beer. Do note, that link to Old Navy is an affiliate link for Cactus Hugs and, should you buy a shirt after clicking, I might just make a cool six to nine cent commission per shirt and, yeah, my rent is basically going to be paid.
As for the shorts I will be wearing, it’s an old pair of simple gray shorts.
I used to wear cargo pants because it’s a festival and I need places to put stuff, but then a few years ago society freaked out and said cargo pants are no longer acceptable, so I go with the two-pocketed shorts and bring one of these cheesy, string bags to put stuff in. Sometimes, brands hand out those bags for free at the festival, but if you buy one with the link, Cactus Hugs gets a huge 36 cent commission. You may have noticed there is no link to those shorts I mentioned and that’s because they are old and I can’t remember where i got them. Bummer, not getting rich off those.
Finally, proper footwear is important at Coachella. Don’t be an asshole who wears flip-flops. Don’t. This is the only thing I am demanding you do fashion-wise. You can wear literally any clothes you want, but ‘cmon, man. You are going to be walking a ton and the field gets gross as lazy jerks can’t find the time to find a trash can for their garbage. Oh, and to all of you who take off the flip flops and walk around barefoot, you are gross and get your bare feet the hell away from me.
So now that the rant is over, I should mention that I am wearing an old pair of Vans that I wear every year because they are comfortable and they are stained from having crap spilled on them in previous years. Don’t get me wrong, I have washed them because I am not an animal. If you have an old pair of Vans, wear those or, and you know what is coming here, you can buy pair of Vans here for about $25 and, oh yeah, Cactus Hugs would see a commission of $1.60! Boom! You are soooooo ready to look good at Coachella and, more importantly, I am clearly going to be rich now.
Thanks for reading this Coachella Fashion blog. I imagine the next post will be written from my mansion or private island.