I found something cool at the Westfield Palm Desert mall

Going to the mall is the pits. I agreed to go accompany my friend Tony to Macy’s so he could buy some sort of bs dress shirt for work. First, let me explain something. He dresses up for work in a tie and slacks everyday (just about). It’s a high school, we don’t have to dress fancy, but he does it anyway, and has for the last 70 years he’s been at that school. Me? School polo or tee, jeans, and sneaks. Boom.

Alas, I digress.

We ran past the horrible abomination haunting shoppers on the second level and went to Macy’s, he went to the men’s department, and I went to check out the holiday toys from FAO Schwarz. Yes, they have the giant piano!

I inevitably got bored of the department store scene (so much more work than Amazon) and went to scope out the nearby establishments. Imagine my surprise when I came across a frigging GELATO VENDING MACHINE! Right by the “mallsage” (mall massage) fellas. At first I thought, “how silly” then upon closer inspection I thought “damn it, take my money!”

It looks like nothing, just a big cooler inside a box. But then when you feed it money MAGIC HAPPENS! It opens up, like something from a fairy tale (minus the something-extraordinary-is-opening music), and you’re able to see inside! Hey-o! That’s what she said.

Once you’ve picked your flavor (I got the dairy-free watermelon sorbet) this weird vacuum thing starts makin’ its move. This vacuum tube is very smart because it knew EXACTLY where my flavor was. It floppily moved to the right compartment, sucked up my treat and started heading towards the front of the box. Don’t drop it, don’t drop it!

It wasn’t abusive like a normal vending machine, dropping your treat from 50 feet in the air. It gently took my lil’ sorbet baby to the bottom of the drop off area and left it. I felt like it was too nice to my sorbet. Sort of like telling it, “have a nice life, buddy, it’s been great”.


So exciting! The machine suggests waiting 2-3 minutes before consumption, which is well advised. It’s pretty hard to chip at right from the start. You could do what I did and get your blood pressure checked about 20 feet away. That way you’re killing that wait time and checking in on that BP of yours (100 over 68 for me).

Overall, it was tasty and a fun experience. The other flavors you choose from are: tiramisu, mango, cookies and cream, strawberry, pistachio, peanut butter cup, and banana cheesecake. For $3.75 it was worth trying out. The little wooden spoon it comes with is about as helpful as a super small flat wooden spoon could be, but it did me distracted the whole time.’

100% less complaining that way.

The gelato machine made that outing so much fun. If you end up at the Westfield Mall in Palm Desert, try it out. It’s downstairs by Macy’s and The Alley, north side of the escalator. I’m curious about the other flavors, so if you’ve had the chance to try them, let me know how they are!