Welcome to Ask Clare, our advice column. Have a question, dilemma, or quandary? Send it to Clare in an email or on her Facebook page.
Clare,
I’m on a mission to find a man in 2018. I have been divorced and single for four years and I am ready to settle down into something serious. I have downloaded just about every dating app that I have heard of and I have recently lost some weight and put some additional effort into my appearance. What else can I do to increase my odds at finding love again? – On The Prowl
On The Prowl,
Despite the cheesy commercials, finding love on a host of apps isn’t a sure thing. Expect a lot of trial and even more error. My advice for you – do things you enjoy and keep your eyes and mind open. You may find a new beau on a bike trail or at a cooking class. You could go old school and let friends set you up on blind dates in addition to what you find online. Take a relaxed approach. Also – try to avoid setting expectations for people or dates. You’ll be happier that way – or at least less frustrated.
Clare
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Clare,
Every year my husband goes on a fitness kick for his resolution. It lasts about three weeks but ends up costing us a fortune. One year he bought a fitness club membership and a fancy juicer. Last year, he bought a dumbbell set that cost more than a mortgage payment. They are more useless than paperweights. Just yesterday, my husband mentioned wanting to hire a personal trainer this year. What can I do to get him to stop throwing money away (without discouraging healthy habits)? – Realistic Redhead
Realistic Redhead,
Your husband has fallen for the January trap. It happens to the worst of us (get off of the elliptical, slow strangers!). Every damn day is a new opportunity to be healthy. I would convince your husband to do healthy activities together – most of them are free or very low cost (think hiking trails or YMCA). Tell him that you’ve noticed he hasn’t found a routine that works well for him and let him know that before he shells out, you want him to demonstrate commitment. In the meantime, enjoy his share of dessert.
Clare
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Clare,
I really want to do a sober January. It just feels like a great time to give my liver a break after a busy, boozy holiday season. It is going to be hard for me because my girlfriend and I enjoy drinking wine with dinner most nights and she isn’t really into my idea of a dry month. Is it fair to ask her not to drink when we eat dinner at home this month? I feel like the temptation will be too strong and in the past when I say I don’t want any – she’ll pour me a glass anyway. – Will Power
Will Power,
Your dry January isn’t a bad idea. It’s good to give yourself a break from something that you seem to have a pretty strong attachment to. Tell your girlfriend that you are not drinking this month and that you expect her support. Tell her that means no pouring unwanted drinks for you. Tell her that you’re happy to be designated driver when you go out. If she does pour you a glass, get up and pour it into the sink (or her glass if it is a nice bottle). Tell her that you’re not going to drink with her just so she doesn’t have to do it alone.
Clare
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