Last night, while I was at one of those typical, weird business-related holiday parties trying to figure out how I could sneak the giant bottle of Bulleit Rye out the door undetected, I got a text from Mari – who, let’s face it, was probably drunk – throwing down some nonsense about the Muppets having the best Christmas Carol. This, of course, is complete and utter nonsense.
While there are a ton of Christmas Carols (the one with Patton, the one with creepy animated Jim Careys, the one with Obi-Wan Kenobi singing, to name a few), none are better than the animated version from the Mouse House.
If you have ever been to Disneyland during the Holidays, then you have seen firsthand that no one gets what the season is all about better than Mickey Mothafuckin’ Mouse who is perfectly cast as Bob Cratchit – who is forced to work long hours for very little pay for Scrooge McDuck – who, and this goes without saying, is by far the best Scrooge of all time. Period. Don’t @ me on this.
While the Muppets are saddled with humans trying their best to interact with characters that are just large socks being operated by a man’s hand that is literally up their ass, the characters in Mickey’s Christmas Carol are all animated Disney characters which is something that makes sense – unlike this weirdness that is Michael Caine singing a terrible song to puppets.
Here, let’s just compare two clips. The first one is, ummmm…
Now check out this shit!
Yeah. That’s how Scrooge is done. Plus, Donald as Fred, I mean, c’mon!
There are many reasons why Mickey beats Kermit every damn time – but there’s really only one thing that truly matters:
It’s only 26 minutes long. Perfect, because you have things to do this time of year.
Oh yeah, then there’s this:
I’m not crying. You’re crying!
Mickey > Muppets and, once again, Casey > Mari.
Merry Christmas and may God Bless us, everyone.