Ask Clare: I’m getting married and I hate my fiancee’s last name

Welcome to Ask Clare, our advice column.  Have a question, dilemma, or quandary?  Send it to Clare in an email or on her Facebook page.

Dear Clare,
I am getting married in July and I couldn’t be happier except with my new last name. I am going from a very easy to pronounce name with a nice flow to something with a garble of consonants. I mentioned something in passing to my fiancé about keeping my name and he seemed offended. Many women decide to keep their names. It is also a lot of work to get a new social security card, license, passport, email address, etc. How can I get my fiancé on board? – Same name

Same name,
You should be able to have an adult conversation with the man you’re marrying. Have you asked him why he would like you to take his name? Have you explained to him why you do not want to? At the end of the day he should be able to respect your choice. If he can’t, maybe his name isn’t the only thing you should be worried about. – Clare


Dear Clare,
I am planning a Valentines Day proposal at the Ritz Carlton in Rancho Mirage. I want it to be something special and intimate. I am pretty confident he’ll say yes (and yes, we’re gay). I feel a tinge of guilt over not having asked his dad. I just don’t know what is right in this situation. I don’t feel like a father needs to be consulted on this. We’re in our early thirties, live together and are financially independent. Thoughts? – Engayged

You don’t have to ask his dad if you don’t want to. You should also think about what your soon-to-be fiancé wants. If he and his dad are close, that may be important to him. Does he have any siblings to consult on the matter? Cheers to a romantic V-day proposal. – Clare


Dear Clare,
My best friend just sent me an email to let me know he proposed to his girlfriend of three years. It is definitely his future ex-wife. She is the wettest blanket I’ve ever met (and hey, my wife is no social butterfly). Everyone we hang out with that meets her asks what her problem is afterward. She isn’t fun to talk to. Hell, she isn’t even polite. Is it too late to ask him if he has noticed this about her? – Worst man

Worst man,
Why is this the first time you’re thinking of talking to your friend about his girl? Nevertheless, I see why you’re hesitant to now. You don’t want to rain on his parade and seem unsupportive. Try to have a nice, productive talk with him about what he loves most about her. Maybe there’s more going on behind the scenes. If/when they do split, don’t say, “I saw that coming.” – Clare

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