Ask Clare: I went off on Facebook and now my friend is not speaking to me

Welcome to Ask Clare, our advice column.  Have a question, dilemma, or quandary?  Send it to Clare in an email or on her Facebook page.

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Clare,

A friend of mine posted a photo of the Palm Springs pink door on her Instagram with the new sign requesting no photography. I saw a similar photo online, too. I find these photos blatantly disregarding the homeowners’ requests and violating their privacy to be pretty rude. Worse, people were commenting on her post about ‘the jerks’ that live there. I spouted off that the people taking photos were ‘the jerks’ and now my friend isn’t speaking to me. Do I owe her an apology? – Damn door

Damn door,

It is fair to tell your friend you think what she did was rude but that your response was also rude. Buy her an Instagram-worthy cocktail at Bootlegger Tiki to make amends. In the future, pause before you post. – Clare

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Clare,

I put things I don’t want to do off until the last possible moment. Take writing to you, for example. I am supposed to be helping organize a fundraiser for my kid’s school. I don’t want to so I have: cleaned all my toilets, watched YouTube tutorials on investing and read all of our recent advice columns. How do I stop myself from other tasks when I need to get down to commitments? – Pro-crastinator

Pro-crastinator,

The things you’re doing instead of the fundraiser don’t seem to be a waste of time. It may be a matter of learning to say no. Sometimes you need to carve out some time for yourself. If you don’t, you may end up stressing yourself out and losing sleep. See the fundraiser through but think carefully the next time someone asks you to commit. Side note: some people (definitely not me right now) perform better in a bind. – Clare

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Clare,

I am pregnant with my first and my mom is insisting that I wait to find out the gender of the baby. She never found out when she was pregnant with me (years ago before ultrasounds were so common), so why should I? I just want to. I want to pick out paint and design a nursery for my little one. My mom has said that if I find out she doesn’t want to know. This isn’t realistic – she will notice right away when she comes to the shower or sees the nursery. How should I proceed? – Gender bender

Gender bender,

To each his/her own when it comes to something like this. It is your choice (along with your partner). Your mom had her surprises when she was calling the shots. That’s not now. This may be a good time to establish healthy boundaries given that there will be a new little human for her to control. – Clare


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