Ask Clare #4: Should you let your son be a butterfly for Halloween?

Welcome to Ask Clare, our advice column.  Have a question, dilemma, or quandary?  Sent it to Clare in an email or on her Facebook page

Clare,

I’ve been talking with my five-year-old son about what he wants to be for Halloween. Each time I ask, he says he wants to be a butterfly. My husband is less than thrilled with this choice. He’s a local firefighter and many of us are planning to go out with the kids in a group. My husband said he will never hear the end of it if our son has his way. He’s sure that the other kids (and dads) will put him in a box and tease him. Help! – Fearing Halloween

Fearing Halloween,

If your son wants to be a butterfly, let him be one for a trip to The Living Desert’s Howl-O-Ween and at school. For the real deal, let him know he can have a different costume, if he wants to. If this doesn’t fly, let him wear his wings and watch out for signs of bullying. This could be a fun story you can share before your son’s first date. Readers – chime in on this one in the comments section.

Clare

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Clare,

I am a 40-something lesbian. I have a fifteen-year-old nephew coming for a visit over his winter break. The thing is, I’m fairly certain he is buried in the closet. His parents are pretty religious and somewhat conservative. Our family is fairly accepting, though I am the only openly gay person. Can I encourage him to explore gay Palm Springs and ask him to keep mum about it to by brother and his wife? – Aunty PS

Aunty PS,

Asking a fifteen-year-old to lie to his parents isn’t cool. Taking him to Drag Brunch is (Hard Rock, Rio Azul, Alibi Azul). You can explain to your brother, if he asks, that it is a common activity for visitors to Palm Springs. Don’t force your nephew to come out to you if he isn’t ready, but let him know that you’re there for him if he ever wants to talk to you about anything. Also, do give him a gay vocabulary lesson over brunch…

Clare

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Clare,

Another parent new to our child’s school told me that they use the grandparents address on their child’s school paperwork so that her daughter can attend the wonderful charter school my son attends. My wife and I overspent our house-buying budget so that we could be in a house in the school’s district. My wife is on the PTA and we re close to some of the school administrators. Would it be wrong to tell them about the paperwork fraud? I just don’t think it is fair to cheat the system. There is a lottery with many families turned away each year. — Perturbed parent

Perturbed parent,

The parent that told you this likely did so in confidence. Do not jeopardize the girl’s place in the school over a month into the school year. It seems like you’re partially frustrated because of the sacrifices you made for your son. They’re sacrificing to drive farther every day and risk fudging the paperwork. Stay silent on this one.

Clare

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