The Coachella Valley is, for the most part, a pretty rad place to call home. But, like everything in life, there is room for improvement. Here are 7 rules that would help make The Coachella Valley “a better place to live” (and apologies for totally ripping off your slogan just now KMIR):
1) Institute “Heat Days”
Every time New York or Boston gets an inch of snow, the whole damn town shuts down for the day. But, in The Coachella Valley, the temperature could hit 150 degrees and your boss would still expect your sweaty ass to show up for work.
Let’s start giving employees and students “Heat Days” off every time the temperature goes over 120 degrees. Not only would it make us all happier (until we realized that we were spending the day not enjoying air conditioning paid for by the company) but, you would find that people would actually start rooting for temperatures to reach unbearably hot levels.
2) Make The Right Lane of Highway 111 the “Snow Bird / Tourist Lane”
If you have a license plate from anywhere other than California, you have to use the right lane. No exceptions.
3) A Radio Station Can Only Call Itself “New” For Two Months
Radio stations in Palm Springs tend to change formats every time the wind blows (and somehow, in the end, they all end up playing Taylor Swift songs over and over). Then, after they change, they constantly feel they must remind you that they are the “all new Z93″ (or whatever) for the next 3 years.
Nope, two months is all you get radio stations. Then you are not “all new” anymore.
4) Have “Under-60” Days at the Doctors Office
Look, I get it, You get older and you have to see the doctor more. But, while I am waiting to be seen for my cough that won’t go away, the old lady in the screening room next to me won’t let the doctor leave! Question after question after question – which, now that I think about it, why are the walls so thin that I can hear everything going on in the next room anyway?
Maybe, Tuesdays can be for people under-60. Doctors can rapidly see patients in a quick fashion and patients might be able to schedule an appointment that is not 5 weeks away.
5) Other City Governments Must Pitch In to Help Desert Hot Springs
DHS is a mess. Meanwhile, cities like Indian Wells and Palm Desert have so much money that they buy their residents tickets to tennis tournaments and sponsor a big, dumb fashion week. Take some of that coin and help the good people across the freeway build sidewalks and stop being murdered.
6) Let’s Settle On a Name For This Place
Little known fact: there are 738 different cities in The Coachella Valley. Why every other neighborhood has to be a different municipality is beyond me. The thing is, pretty much everyone from out of town has no idea what exactly a “Bermuda Dunes” or a “Cathedral City” is, nor do they care.
When I am asked by the rest of the world where I am from, I say “Palm Springs” even though I do not actually live in The City of Palm Springs. But then, if you refer to the whole area as “Palm Springs” to some locals, they are likely to throw a tantrum that you didn’t say “Coachella Valley” or the name of their city. Tourism agencies have tried to play to both sides by calling it “Greater Palm Springs”, but that sounds dumb too.
The Las Vegas Strip isn’t even in The City of Las Vegas but no one is calling it “The Greater Las Vegas Area Strip” or “Unincorporated Towns of Paradise and Winchester Strip”.
Let’s just pick one thing and just go with it.
7) The Old, Entitled Crowd Can Actually Admit There is a Drought
Time to face facts, 19 acres of man-made lakes for one Rancho Mirage community may not be the wisest way to use the limited water supply right now. At the very least, the country club set can stop acting so entitled about all the water they use for golf courses, water fountains, lakes, and whatever else they are doing behind those gates.