Monday’s weather forecast calls for a scorching high temperature of 120 degrees. And while that won’t quite set a record, it is still hot as balls (technical term). Here are seven things that should happen because of the ridiculous heat in the Coachella Valley.

1) Ice cream for breakfast is mandatory

The low on Monday will be 87. Calories don’t count when it is that hot.

2) Pants are optional

Actually, make that long pants. You are still going to want to cover up what is going on down there – as it is not going to be pretty.

3) No one has to go outside


This is self explanatory.

4) Narcos season 2 is released early


Monday is going to be a day for binge watching, so release Narcos season 2 early!  (note: since I know this is not going to happen, the O.J. ’30 for 30′ on ESPN is a solid backup)

5) Anyone even thinking about hiking will be publicly shamed

This is also self explanatory.

6) The ice skating rink is brought back to the Westfield mall

Ginger Ice Angel

Can’t think of a better way to cool off than making ice angels.

7) SoCal Edison does not charge for the day

…because somewhere there is an asshole Edison accountant who is drooling over how much money they are going to make that day off of your air conditioner.

Good luck and stay cool!

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