The 10 worst things to hand out to Trick or Treaters on Halloween

It’s Halloween! That means Trick or Treaters and, sadly, you are going to have to give out some of that 20 pound bag of tasty candy you bought at Costco. And while your candy will surely be awesome, some people out there continue to hand out gross treats – or worse, something that you can’t even eat. Here are the then worst things people hand out, listed from bad to worse.

10) Toothbrushes

Get outta here with your mini toothbrushes, neighborhood dentist. You get 364 days a year to be a jerk about cavities, give everyone just one goddamn day.

9) Necco Wafers

These are not a candy.  They are chalk.  For a chalkboard.  And no one uses chalkboards anymore.

8) Werther’s Originals

How old is my kid?  80?

7) Pennies

One cent pieces are not only basically worthless now, they are also dirty and those little hands are going to be wrapped around some candy here shortly. Go buy something with that change.

6) Black Licorice

Not only does this stuff taste horrid, it can also kill you, I guess. Hand out the Red Vines instead.

5) Home Baked Goods

Sure, we have no problem eating things we buy from the store even the there are a million food recalls seemingly every damn day – but, on Halloween, the local teevee news has convinced everyone that anything not produced in Hershey or Mars factory is filled with drugs, razorblades, and more drugs.

4) Mints

Did you just steal your Halloween treats on your way out of the Applebee’s?

3) Religious Items

Thanks for letting the children know they are going to hell for dressing up like a ghost one day a year, zealot.

2) Pretzels, Fruit Roll Ups, Snack Packs, Etc.

Oh.  A healthy alternative.  Aren’t you just so amazing for looking out for the health and future of our children.  Your stuff is ending up in the garbage and you know it.

1) Candy Corn

This might be the most worthless candy there is. It’s gross and no one likes it.  I know this.  You know this.  Everyone knows this.

Note: I am not handing out anything this year because my neighborhood sucks and no one goes trick or treating in it.  I am buying a 20 pound bag of peanut butter cups on my way home though, you know, just in case.