10 tips to avoid getting that terrible cough that’s going around

There’s a terrible cough going around – as you, of course, already know due to the sound of all the gross, deep, unsettling coughing going on around you a everywhere you go. You may have already fallen ill with this terrible thing – in which case you know that it comes with not only a cough, but a brutal soar throat, aches, pains, fever, headaches, and, after having it for more than 24 hours, a pissed off attitude…FTW!!!  The damn thing is awful and lasts forever, so, to make sure those who haven’t caught it yet stay healthy, here are 10 surefire tips to avoid catching the terrible cold / flu thing everyone else is coming down with.

  1. Hydrate.
  2. Wash your hands as much as possible
  3. Don’t touch anything.
  4. Don’t touch anyone.
  5. When someone else comes to your work sick, have them fired immediately, then burn all of their things
  6. Cover yourself, head-to-toe, 24 hours a day in hand sanitizer.
  7. Don’t go anywhere.
  8. Eat a flu shot for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
  9. Kick your family out of the house.
  10. Find a deserted island to live on from now on (bring a volleyball to talk to).

Stay healthy, my friends.