Ask Clare: Help! My mom won’t stop partying at The Nest.

Welcome to Ask Clare, our advice column.  Have a question, dilemma, or quandary?  Sent it to Clare in an email or on her Facebook page

Clare,

My mom and dad split up when I went to college. My mom went from a homebody to a socialite. Her main roost is The Nest. She is constantly tagged in pictures where it is clear she’s drunk (not to mention the fact that she looks like she raided my little sister’s closet). The thing is, I worry that she will end up with a DUI. She lives less than 10 minutes from The Nest but I have a strong suspicion that she’s driving. Is it okay to ask her to Uber? – Momma bird

Momma bird,

It sounds like there is a healthy dose of judgment mixed in with your concern. I don’t think you have a strong case to ask your mom to lay off the fun. You can, however, ask her how she gets home without being critical of the fact that she enjoys The Nest. Make sure she’s got Uber or Lyft on her phone and that she knows how to use it. Let her know that there are resources out there like Parents and Guardians Against Driving Under the Influence that are free. Also, remind her that she raised you to be responsible and you expect the same of her. Your mom may well be the cougar of some young man’s dream and settle down soon.

Clare

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Clare,

My best friend’s boyfriend is a nice guy. He treats her really well and he’s smart, funny and nice. The thing is, when we go out to eat he is usually a total jerk to waiters and bartenders. He snaps his fingers, rolls his eyes, complains and leaves hardly any extra cash for the tip. In all other contexts the guy is cool. What can we do to break him of this horrible habit? – Hold the spit, please

Hold the spit,

For your own enjoyment, do not go out to a restaurant with this barbarian. There are plenty of other things that you can do like having a barbecue at home or even a progressive dinner hosted by you and several friends. If he treats friends like this in their own homes, he’ll have to head home hungry. It may be wise to avoid food all together and spend your time doing activities like the Escape Games at the River or catching a movie. No need to tell your friend why you don’t want to dine out…she’ll probably know why.
Clare

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Clare,

One of the people I supervise at work has constant doctors’ appointments for her and her family. I don’t think she’s trying to milk the system for time off but I do think she’s a hypochondriac and projects it to those around her. One of the issues she’s told me about seems legitimate but the others sound like paranoia when she describes them. Should I limit her time off or recommend yet another doctors appointment for this condition? – Healthy boss

Healthy boss,

You should talk to HR about what you’ve observed and what management expects of you as a supervisor. This is a sensitive issue and you may get yourself in the HR hot seat if you don’t play your cards right. Make sure that what you do is in line with what your leadership directs (as long as they don’t ask you to do anything you feel is confrontational). There’s a good chance that they tell you to leave it alone, in which case you’ll just have to get used to your staffer calling out sick.

Clare

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